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Author Topic: A laugh a day helps  (Read 34870 times)
ncjohn
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« Reply #25 on: September 29, 2010, 10:41:12 AM »

I hadn't heard that one in a while either. Always good for a chuckle.  Smiley
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This is the effect of true charity, to be on good terms with all men, to consider no one your enemy, and to live at peace with those who hate peace.--Robert Bellarmine
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« Reply #26 on: October 02, 2010, 12:44:33 PM »

There was a male honey bee that lived near a beautiful garden. One day he met with a female butterfly and immediately he fell head over heels in love with the butterfly but the bee didn't know how to approach the butterfly and express his feelings. Days went by and the bee watched the butterfly and dreamed of romance. Finally the bee could stand it no longer and approached the butterfly saying

"Would you marry me?"

"I'm afraid " said the butterfly "that such a marriage can never come to pass. You must understand that I am the daughter of a Monarch and you are a son of a bee."
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jsiegman
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« Reply #27 on: October 02, 2010, 07:09:42 PM »

Cute.
Son of a bee.
Keep them coming.

JKS
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Joy
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« Reply #28 on: October 05, 2010, 08:46:51 AM »

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "I'm watching you, and Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "I'm watching you, and Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:

"Was that you who said you and Jesus were watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."
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reen
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« Reply #29 on: October 05, 2010, 01:36:38 PM »

I read this outloud to my husband, and he burst out laughing!

That is one funnny joke!

Thank you for posting same, Joy.


reens
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ncjohn
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« Reply #30 on: October 05, 2010, 02:08:27 PM »


The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."


It's funny sometimes how our minds work and the oddball associations we make.

When I read this, the first thing that came to mind was the old Ray Stevens song that begins: "Jesus loves the little children...."
And that was followed up by wondering what Jesus (the doberman) likes for dessert AFTER the children.

Yes, I know. I have a sick mind. What can I say?

 
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"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God."
This is the effect of true charity, to be on good terms with all men, to consider no one your enemy, and to live at peace with those who hate peace.--Robert Bellarmine
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« Reply #31 on: October 05, 2010, 03:24:37 PM »

And that was followed up by wondering what Jesus (the doberman) likes for dessert AFTER the children.

Clarence the parrot, of course.

Joy, thanks for another winner! loved it !

JKS
« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 03:26:11 PM by jsiegman » Logged
reen
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« Reply #32 on: October 05, 2010, 11:16:21 PM »

quote: ncjohn
Quote
It's funny sometimes how our minds work and the oddball associations we make.

When I read this, the first thing that came to mind was the old Ray Stevens song that begins: "Jesus loves the little children...."
And that was followed up by wondering what Jesus (the doberman) likes for dessert AFTER the children.

Yes, I know. I have a sick mind. What can I say?


Gross!!  

That's what the wolf thought, in Little Red Riding Hood.
Red should have carried a gat in that basket,
and blown the wolf into next week.  
But then PETA would be on her case, plus ATF, inquiring if she had a permit for that rod.

Red might have settled for some salt water taffy, which would have glued the wolf's teeth shut.
I don't think that one needs a permit to carry taffy, and the wolf would have found himself in a sticky situation.  Lips Sealed


Musing on the Hudson






  
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Lanasshoebox
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« Reply #33 on: October 06, 2010, 04:40:42 AM »

ROFL......Red is spunkier than we thought!

Lana
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Joy
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« Reply #34 on: October 06, 2010, 08:59:53 AM »

 Grin  You folks are funnier than the joke!!  I love your improvising on the story!  Let's see how you do with this one.

Not so very long ago, an old German man was feeling guilty about something he had done, so he decided to go to Confession.

He said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I feel terrible because during World War II I hid a refugee in my attic."

The priest said, "But that's not a sin! I wouldn't feel bad about that if I were you!"

"But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed."

The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life -- but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. Don't worry about it too much; God forgives."

The man said, "Oh thank you, Father, that eases my mind. I have only one more question to ask you -- Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
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« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2010, 10:02:24 AM »

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”

The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”

The man replies “Fine.”

Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say.

The man replies “Bed’s hard.”

The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”

The man says, “Yes”.

Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”

The abbot asks, “Is that it?”

And the man says “Yes.”

Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”

And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"
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Marmee79
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« Reply #36 on: October 07, 2010, 05:43:02 PM »

 :oi feel silly, o so silly,  i  really,  just found this page today~  but it gave me a grin so I' hope one knock knock will let me in..... Undecided  hope to continue to read your blogs and share with you your grins.   Tongue  i'm not at all good with jokes.   Cheesy  Cheesy Cheesy  This is a satorie  of a lovely lady~  i remembered the 1st post.  So far today hasn't been a waste to make up.  and even if i didn't get a few of those posts I am glad to have checked in.  I'll keep my ears open for some funny stories.  Happy Oktobeerfest.  or October to you all.
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reen
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« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2010, 10:12:46 PM »

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”

The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”

The man replies “Fine.”

Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say.

The man replies “Bed’s hard.”

The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”

The man says, “Yes”.

Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”

The abbot asks, “Is that it?”

And the man says “Yes.”

Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”

And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

 Grin I should have seen that coming - but I didn't!


reen

« Last Edit: October 07, 2010, 10:31:23 PM by reen » Logged

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« Reply #38 on: October 07, 2010, 10:29:53 PM »

:oi feel silly, o so silly,  i  really,  just found this page today~  but it gave me a grin so I' hope one knock knock will let me in..... Undecided  hope to continue to read your blogs and share with you your grins.   Tongue  i'm not at all good with jokes.   Cheesy  Cheesy Cheesy  This is a satorie  of a lovely lady~  i remembered the 1st post.  So far today hasn't been a waste to make up.  and even if i didn't get a few of those posts I am glad to have checked in.  I'll keep my ears open for some funny stories.  Happy Oktobeerfest.  or October to you all.

Always glad when you check in and take part in the forum, Julie. 

I used to be good with jokes until my memory began to not work.
It's embarrassing to set forth a joke - and then forget the punch line.  Lips Sealed

I've solved the makeup thing. I only apply same on state occassions, so to speak.  Roll Eyes
[And, mercifully, those are few and far between.]

A most happy October to you, too.  Smiley


reen


 
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jsiegman
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« Reply #39 on: October 08, 2010, 02:54:57 AM »

It's embarrassing to set forth a joke - and then forget the punch line.  Lips Sealed

Is that worse than the ultimate frustration -- remembering the punch line but forgetting the lead in ?

JKS
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jsiegman
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« Reply #40 on: October 08, 2010, 02:56:21 AM »

And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

Heard that one before -- but still worthy of reruns. :-)

JKS

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Alan
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« Reply #41 on: October 08, 2010, 09:53:35 AM »

:oi feel silly, o so silly,  i  really,  just found this page today~  but it gave me a grin so I' hope one knock knock will let me in..... Undecided  hope to continue to read your blogs and share with you your grins.   Tongue  i'm not at all good with jokes.   Cheesy  Cheesy Cheesy  This is a satorie  of a lovely lady~  i remembered the 1st post.  So far today hasn't been a waste to make up.  and even if i didn't get a few of those posts I am glad to have checked in.  I'll keep my ears open for some funny stories.  Happy Oktobeerfest.  or October to you all.

"I'm so pretty, oh so pretty... "

Welcome back to WF; we're looking forward to hearing your stories! Smiley

Alan
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« Reply #42 on: October 08, 2010, 01:30:03 PM »

It's embarrassing to set forth a joke - and then forget the punch line.  Lips Sealed

Is that worse than the ultimate frustration -- remembering the punch line but forgetting the lead in ?

JKS


 Grin

reen
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« Reply #43 on: October 18, 2010, 05:53:31 PM »

A little while back I made the statement that on should avoid getting into a battle of wits with an idiot on the presumption that it is unfair to fight with an unarmed person.

Today, I heard another good reason.

Never argue with an idiot. People who are watching may not be able to tell the difference.

JKS
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ncjohn
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« Reply #44 on: October 21, 2010, 11:37:01 AM »

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks: "What happened, what's the holdup?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Sir Billary, Glenn Beck, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O' Donnell and Al Sharpton,” the man replies. “They’re asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks: "On average, how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."

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"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God."
This is the effect of true charity, to be on good terms with all men, to consider no one your enemy, and to live at peace with those who hate peace.--Robert Bellarmine
ncjohn
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« Reply #45 on: November 05, 2010, 07:41:03 AM »

Combination of "thought for the day" and a bit of a laugh.....

Some people are like a Slinky ...
not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.
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"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God."
This is the effect of true charity, to be on good terms with all men, to consider no one your enemy, and to live at peace with those who hate peace.--Robert Bellarmine
ncjohn
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« Reply #46 on: November 18, 2010, 03:42:52 PM »

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"
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This is the effect of true charity, to be on good terms with all men, to consider no one your enemy, and to live at peace with those who hate peace.--Robert Bellarmine
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« Reply #47 on: November 19, 2010, 03:28:55 AM »

Ahhh, how cute is that!

Lana
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jsiegman
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« Reply #48 on: November 24, 2010, 07:27:13 PM »

Jay Leno had a really good one last night. It was a headline that he featured in his weekly "Headlines" review and it was about one of his favorite subjects --- stupid criminals.

A guy went in to rob a bank and ordered the teller to give him all the money she had. The teller suggested that he should just do it the way most people do it, take out a loan and then not pay it back. He agreed and filled out a loan application using his real name and other information. The police went to the address later and arrested him with no trouble.

Another product of the great American school system?

JKS
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reen
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« Reply #49 on: November 24, 2010, 09:04:51 PM »

quote: jseigman
A guy went in to rob a bank and ordered the teller to give him all the money she had. The teller suggested that he should just do it the way most people do it, take out a loan and then not pay it back. He agreed and filled out a loan application using his real name and other information. The police went to the address later and arrested him with no trouble.


That guy has no future in the world of crime.  Roll Eyes

Hope I haven't posted the following once before:

Guy goes in and robs a bank, turns on his heel and waltzes toward the exit -
with the name of his bowling league on the back of his T-shirt.

Another felon writes the hold-up note on the back of his traffic ticket.
[He was probably double-parked on his last heist, and planned to pay the ticket?]


reen



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